Trust is like virginity.  You only lose it once. When I wrote Infidelity – Exploding the Myths, it was for women and men worldwide. I wanted it to be a calm voice of reason for those caught in the grip of despair when infidelity strikes.

My infidelity investigations expertise comes from not only what I see and hear every day but from my own personal experience. So therefore, I cannot stress enough that when you notice those out of character changes, when you experience that niggling feeling (intuition) that won’t go away, when you have confronted your partner who flatly denies everything, when you have been told that you’re becoming paranoid and insecure or when your made to feel it’s all your fault, don’t delay any further your intuition is rarely wrong.

In fact, in all my experience I have never had a client be wrong yet. At this point, it is important to keep a log of anything that appears out of the ordinary. Perhaps the mobile phone is turned off at lunchtime or they need to keep the phone with them at all times and only answer or make calls when they are away from you.

Another very important telltale sign is your sex life or lack of. It is interesting to note that men more so than women can keep the sex going at home whilst in the midst of an affair. If you, however, find that your husband does lose interest at home this is a time for concern because this usually means the affair has moved from just sexual to emotional.

In long-term marriages, the desire by your partner to try sexual positions that have never been tried before also brings to your attention that they have either seen or experienced this recently. The biggest misconception people have about extramarital relationships is that they often say to me “I don’t think it’s sexual yet they’re probably just having a coffee or lunch”. My experience is that by the time a client has phoned me they have gone through a process in their mind. That process has taken time and the reason they are talking with me is because they already know it’s sexual but cannot admit it to themselves.

Based on my experience doing infidelity investigations for years, the important thing to remember is that people having affairs do not go public with their affections but always look for privacy. Finally, if you are going through a betrayal, you are probably feeling that your whole world is consumed with pain and there is no way out. Let me tell you there is. First, you need to find out the truth because knowledge will give you back the power and believe me you will come out the other end a much richer and wiser person.

To speak confidentially with Julia on an infidelity related matter, please ring (09) 536 5500 // mobile: (0274) 882 802 email: julia@juliahartleymoore.com and Julia will provide you with expert advice and a no-obligation guide on how you can take practical steps to find out the truth about your relationship by using our investigative options such as surveillance, computer and mobile phone forensics, or GPS tracking if applicable, among many other services.